It isn't just a simple matter/ to have my heart beaten into batter
Can't act like it never happened. Like I never shared my poems and dreams with you and you said you loved them and that you loved me. You encouraged me to share my prose, but I always felt too shy and not ready to fully express what I was feeling. No hearts on my sleeve, no word or sign too cookie cutter, I wrote for you. I thought the rhythm of our words could sway together. I thought the narratives in our poems would complement each other. I thought your arms would save me from each dreadful working day, a refuge where I can float back to the land of comfort and imagined possibilities. Our coffee farm, our animals. Promises and trust. You yelling at me each time we drive because I was bad at directions. I had no one,I thought you were everything, ultimately enough. And yet, I still tried and pushed forward. Pressuring myself to become a greater woman, to define myself by money, resource, or power. But all you wanted was me powerless, gaining control through emotional manipulation. Digging into each moment we shared each other. I wanted to be like a catepillar and snuggle back into my cacoon that doesn't fit anymore. Digging back to where I don't belong
How many times did I ask you to clean the back porch? Now many mornings did I serve you coffee with eggs before work? How many times did I want to bring you back into bed and smother you with kisses and you couldn't understand why I loved you so much. I see your face freeze and eyes grow cold, catching yourself living a lie, a moment of complete disorientation. I believed your pretend happiness was mine. I thought our space is the ultimate bliss yet lies and mistrust destroyed it.all I wanted was a better world, but you took my heart out, controlled my mind and took apart my world. Circling your juvenile psychosis . Unable to find myself back on the path.swirling through deceit and misplaced affection and desire, reinvestment in building my soul back up.all I hope now is that these words, this REALity will find you well.
